Thursday, March 11, 2010

The Artist Faked Death and Relocation Program (AFDRP)

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The Artist Faked Death and Relocation Program (AFDRP) is a program that is designed to help artists fake their own death so they can relocate to another area of the world that is conducive to their artist’s mission. Administered by the non-profit Art Trip Art Foundation and operated by the unpaid interns gleaned from recently graduated MFAs from the prestigious art programs in Ivy League universities, AFDRP is designed to foster economic viability in times threatened by an artist’s own failed career.

How it works:

The artist is given a choice of death (choosing wisely here because the more dynamic and creative the death, the more your art work will appreciate in value). The news of the artist’s death is planted around the Internet and in the exclusive Artist Obituary Listing in Art Magazine. This will fuel the rush to buy the artist’s work (NOTE: All work will be exclusively offered for sale through AFDRPs network of world-wide dealers). The artist will be given a new name and choice of disguises so the artist can create in peace (and to see their art hanging in high end galleries and museums after their ‘death’) while quietly cashing in checks sent from AFDRP (minus a 75% cut for services rendered). When current supplies of the artist’s works are depleted, AFDRP will ‘discover’ a new cache of work (supplied by you from your new hideaway) so the selling can continue.

98 percent of artists in the program claim increased income from their art and peace of mind after enrolling in the program.

About the company:

AFDRP was established in 1987 with a charter to provide innovative and industry-leading faked artist death and relocation support to artists, hedge fund managers and disgraced sports figures, politicians, as well as corporate CEOs convicted of a variety of white collar crimes. In 1990, AFDRP created the Center for Creative Artists Death (CCAD), and developed a number of tools and critical data elements to support the process.

In 2009, AFDRP held contracts of over 15,000 artists providing various forms of global relocation assistance. With an average of 500 works per artist handled through AFDRP, that has made the company one of the largest proxy owners of art work world-wide.

What FAS Customers Are Saying

"I disappeared in 1987 and greatly appreciate the relationship that I have developed with AFDRP. Their insight, advice and partnership have been invaluable. I quickly learned utilizing them early which led to more successful art sales and helped me generate more art to sell. When you deal with AFDRP, you are dealing with professionals that understand the art business and are fully engaged to be part of the death faking process. I don’t think of AFDRP as a service provider, I consider them a part of my team! This will be famous forever." - Andy - NY

"I thought this was only for visual artists but AFDRP worked with me and helped make my dream come true. Ie continue to enjoy the personal touch and flexibility that AFDRP offers, making them one of the top full-service relocation companies in the nation." - Elvis - Memphis

"My FAS Coach has shown herself to be extremely able and innovative in providing service involving multiple deaths and relocations with short lead times, all while saving me money, saving me aggravation and letting me drink without a bunch of crap from everyone." - Robert - Sanibel Island


"Thanks for turning me on to AFDRP Elvis. Now I 'play' with all the kids I want. And thanks AFDRP for relocating me next to a grade school." - Michael - Neverland

Our MBA interns are always on call to serve you

Remember that this is an investment in your future.

Application for the Artist Faked Death and Relocation Program

Choose your method of death:

_____ Lost at sea

_____ Jumped from the Golden Gate bridge

_____ Alien abduction

_____ Swallowed by art work

_____ Other (explain)

Where do you live?

_____ New York City

_____ LA

_____ Artsville

_____ Right Here

_____ Out There (zing, zing)

_____ Other

Do you currently live in a:

_____ House

_____ Apartment

_____ Art Studio

_____ Coffee Shop

_____ Bookstore

_____ Cardboard box

_____ Cave

_____ Tee pee

_____ Beneath your canvases

When relocated, what would you like to live in?

_____ House

_____ Apartment

_____ Art Studio

_____ Coffee Shop

_____ Bookstore

_____ Cardboard box

_____ Cave

_____ Tee pee

_____ Beneath your canvases

_____ Are you an art teacher/professor?

_____ If yes, what type are you?

_____ Guru

_____ Groovy

_____ Whatever

_____ High Touch

_____ High Tech

_____ Enlightened One

_____ Philosopher

_____ Mumbler

_____ Old Guard

_____ Clueless

_____ When creating art do you get in the ‘zone’?

_____ If yes, what zone?

_____ Are you zoned now?

_____ If yes, are you able to tune other artists in?

_____ Can you podcast from there?

_____ If yes, what is the URL?

_____ Are you in the Twilight Zone?

_____ How about a Hot Zone?

_____ Can you make it to the End Zone?

_____ Can other artists join your there?

Your art helps you to:

_____ Be here now

_____ Be in your body (inner body experience)

_____ Be out of your body (out of body experience)

_____ Puts you out of this world

_____ Puts you on Cloud Nine

_____ Who am I, how did I get here, where am I going?

_____ Do you have a job?

_____ Have you ever been on the cover of Art in America?

_____ Are you rich?

_____ Do you have a sugar daddy/mama?

_____ Do you own an art gallery?

_____ If yes, how many?

_____ Are you a curator?

_____ Are you an Art Star?

How many cats do you own?

_____ 1

_____ 2-5

_____ 6-12

_____ 12+

_____ Damn rats keep eating my cats

_____ Did you name any of your paintings after your cats?

_____ Have you ever been evicted because of all the cats you own?

What language do you speak:

_____ English

_____ Art BS

_____ Mumble

_____ In tongues

_____ Through telephethy

_____ I speak to the hand

_____ My art speaks for me

_____ Other

What is your age?

_____ Jail bait

_____ 18-28

_____ Old

_____ Prehistoric

_____ Ageless

_____ Ah, forget about it…..

For immediate processing, send this questionnaire in with a $3,379 International
Money Order to:

Art Trip Productions

Postal Drop 419

Ebola Okeidokei Street


On receipt of your Money Order you will receive your own Nigerian death certificate inscribed with your death date and method of death

In addition, as a special limited offer, for only $259.95 you will also receive the coveted Kenyan re-birth certificate (just like President Obama). Act now as supplies are limited.