Tuesday, February 2, 2010

My Third Eye Scratched: Introduction

Excerpt from My Third Eye Scratched: An Art Guide


So you want to be an artist. Well, you’re in luck, as Art Trip will enlighten you in all things art. In no time at all, you will become one of those cool paint-splattered artists you see hanging out at the local coffee shop during the day as you slave away in your office doing soul-sucking spreadsheets. With the help of Art Trip and his amazing new art guide, My Third Eye Scratched, you, too, could soon find infinity in a coffee bean while you contemplate the art universe during your many hours spend over an afternoon cup of joe.

Art Trip knows how inspired you are to start your art career, especially after you have leafed through the latest issue of a celebrity magazine at the checkout counter in the supermarket. Seeing all those pictures of artists hanging out with movie and rock stars with their toothy grins in swanky art galleries almost makes you cry with envy. How great it would be to become an artist just like those you see in the ads in SuperDuperArts SuperMagazine.

Not only will you get to wear groovy artist clothes, get to carry groovy canvases through the street, you will also have the opportunity to buy all those trendy art magazine and books, attend hip art openings at hot art galleries and museums and buy cool art paraphernalia you see in art magazines. Art Trip knows that you can hardly wait to start.

With your desire to become an artist, the assistance of this artist guide, and the optional $24.95 CD-ROM, Art Tripping your way through the ArtistHood, you will be well on your way to realizing your dream of becoming a real artist. You will find yourself walking with your head held high as you carry your copy of My Third Eye Scratched: An Artist’s Guide, carrying your newly painted canvases past the gaggle of business people and their secretaries (can’t you just feel their envy?). You will feel proud knowing that you now have what it takes to be a real-live, honest-to-God artist. You will be confident because you know that you have been taught by the great artist Art Trip. You will stand tall as you wait in line with your arms laden with art supplies while you hurry through the checkout line at the GreatFamousArtistArtSupply store. Best of all, you will become amused at the looks on the faces of your family when you begin to say things like, " The dogmatic Non-Objectivist approach desperately tries to reduce principles to concrete rules that can be applied automatically to art, like a ritual, so as to bypass the responsibility of thinking and moral analysis."

As you begin your art journey, you will start to notice a Mona Lisa smile forming on your face which will begin to open doors for you in your new art path. As you confront non-art people--your boss, your maid, even the mugger on the way to your art studio--you will instantly disarm them in their non-artist ways. Though they may be convinced that the smile on your face is there simply because you are nuts due to your indulgence in this new artist lifestyle of yours, this will be of no consequence to you, as you are confident that you are a true artist.

Art Trip bets you can hardly wait to start and knows that art will seem quite daunting to you at first, as you will have many questions and doubts when you begin. You wonder where and how you will start, what you should buy as you begin your art journey. Don't despair. Art Trip is about to reveal all that you will need to start your art career.

My Third Eye Scratched: An Art Guide will introduce you to the concepts of art, cut through the jargon, and even explain the occasional art words that you will hear in your wandering through the art scene. Art Trip will dispel any confusion over what galleries and dealers to choose, what to expect from your fellow artists, and will even give some possible answers to the Great Art Question—But Is It Art? You will find all these answers and more in this artist’s guide. Not only will you be guided through the art landscape as a new artist, but you will also be presented with more advanced knowledge that will cover everything from art styles, art stars, art galleries, and art blogs to art fairs, art fashion, art magazines, and the all important Artitude . In addition, Art Trip will explain in depth how an art star is made and will provide guidance on how to ultimately become one yourself. You will gain this abundance of knowledge without even having to attend a single art class. Art Trip is here to make being an artist easy and fun. Let’s begin.